Poem in Process:SOLSC2014

We are six days into the challenge now, so I thought maybe it was time to try some poetry. I started out with these lines:

Worry

No focus
Thinking of this
Thinking of that
Starting this
Moving to that
Not finishing either

Then I thought maybe I would try some form of poetry I hadn’t done before. So I got online at the Poetry Foundation and decided to try Ottava rima. Here is how it turned out:

Focus

No focus- thinking of this, then of that,
So many thoughts crowding into my mind.
Starting to do this, dropping it for that
And not finishing any task, I find.
Worry over this, worry over that-
Heartaches, fears, and frustrations- all combined
Refocus- think clearly, be productive-
Stop worrying, stay calm- trust God and LIVE.

Now I am wondering if I should try to finish the original format so I can see which I like best. What do you think?

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This entry was posted in faith, poems, reflections, SOLSC March 2014, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Poem in Process:SOLSC2014

  1. What a wonderful whirl through the poetry world. My poetry is never expanded in this way but this encourages me to try the same ideas in different formats. Keep it up. I like both poems because they express this feeling in slightly different ways. The first expanded by the second which makes them good companion pieces.

    • newtreemom says:

      Seems like Most of the time I write free verse, but during the March challenges, I’ve tried some different forms. It pushes you out of the comfort zone. I think I have mixed results. I really like the poem I did when I tried the villanelle.

  2. Donna Smith says:

    I like the expanded one. The word LIVE though was too abrupt when I read it. The first stanza rhymed second and fourth verses. I guess I was expecting it again. Productive rhymes with it though…

  3. rissable says:

    I’m loving the second one! Post the first one after you finish and let’s see!

  4. Tara Smith says:

    The expanded version was my favorite, too – but so interesting to see the process, and how poetry can be stretched out

  5. elsie says:

    My vote is for the second one, but the first is a draft that allowed you to stretch it into more. Your thoughts became clearer and isn’t that what revision is for?

  6. Leigh Anne says:

    I actually liked the first one better. I thought it flowed naturally and thought the second seemed a little forced…but that is just my opinion.

    • newtreemom says:

      I like to try out the different forms, but as you say, it can seem forced when you do. This one had a syllable count of 10 in each line, and a rhyming pattern to follow. I always have a little trouble with rhymes.

  7. There is something powerful about well chosen words in small doses. I liked the first one also. BOTH have a powerful and important message!

  8. Laura says:

    I needed this reminder to not worry. I also liked the expanded version. I really like some of your word choices such as dropping this for that and using the word heartaches. Thanks for sharing.

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